A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy obliges and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the same guy driving around … Read more
An elderly Forest Gump died and went to heaven: St. Peter had just been notified that heaven was filling up fast, So he came up with a test to thin out Heaven inductees. He posed 3 questions to Forest and gave him 5 minutes to think and respond. The first question was. “Which two … Read more
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her, “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!” and out she goes. The next … Read more
A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said “I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!” He then … Read more
A farmer died leaving his 17 horses to his 3 sons. When his sons opened up the will it read: ‘My eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total horses;’ ‘My middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) of the total horses;’ ‘My youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total horses.’ … Read more
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity centre. These two were at the same table, across from one … Read more
It’s a guy’s first day in prison and he’s not taking to it very well. He’s off in the corner with that thousand-yard stare, hugging himself and rocking back and forth. An old-timer takes pity on him and walks over. “How ya’ doin’, Kid? Having a rough time I see.” “Yeah, well- look around. … Read more
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.” “But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if … Read more
There was a couple of lovers who had a day off work so they went to their favorite ice cream parlor. The boyfriend wasn’t that into ice cream but it was the girlfriend’s favorite treat, so he always had what she had. The place was mostly quiet since it was a workday. She wanted … Read more
One day Billy called little Johnny. Billy: I’m in big trouble! JOHNNY: Why is that? Billy: I saw a mouse in my house! JOHNNY: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap. Billy: I don’t have one. JOHNNY: Well then, buy one. Billy: Can’t afford one. JOHNNY: I can give you … Read more