A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that … Read more
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “So what are ya having their big fella?” The bear says, “Give me a … beer.” The bartender says, “What’s with the big pause?” The bear throws his arms up in the air and says, “I DON’T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM.” If you … Read more
There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, “I got a ride here on a man’s moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing.” “Well,” the other crab said, “why don’t you … Read more
One day at the garage, the new hire heard that the old master mechanic knew every acronym for every make and model so he decided to put him to the test. “Do you really know what every car brand name stands for?” “Yup.” “Ford?” “That’s easy. It’s ‘Fix Or Repair Daily.’” “Kia?” “Kills In … Read more
In a small town, a doctor is about to retire and a young colleague comes to replace him. They visit all the patients together and the old doctor introduces the young one everywhere. “Doctor, I’ve been having a constant stomach ache lately.” says one of the patients. The old doctor answers, “Didn’t you eat … Read more
A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.” The wife says nothing, keeps looking at … Read more
One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. “We told him that we knew where he had … Read more
Three bulls are standing around overlooking a field full of cows when they overhear the farmer tells one of the cowhands to get the trailer ready to pick up a new bull. The old bull snorts and says, “I’m a saying ya fifty cows here are mine, and new bull thinks he’s getting any … Read more
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip. On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.” It works until they run out of gas again. The … Read more
A middle-aged male professor receives a knock on the door of his office on campus. After fumbling about for a few moments, he opens the door to find an old man, who greets him with a big smile and says: “May I come in? I worked in this very room thirty years ago when … Read more