“Some of the hardest people to cut off are family members. But sometimes they are the main ones that need to go…”
‘Enough is enough’: when it’s okay to cut family members out of your life
Many of us consider our families to be dysfunctional on some level, but have you ever considered a family member to be toxic? When you think of the number of toxic people in the world today, it only makes sense that we have at least one of these bad seeds in our bloodline.
Toxic people exist in all shapes and sizes. They can be strangers, friends or even family members. The fact that someone has been in your life since you were born doesn’t mean they have your best interests in mind or should be apart of your future. Family members can be amazing support groups but if you’re putting your trust in the wrong family members, things will go south fast.
If the people who are supposed to be building you up are tearing you down you don’t have to keep them around. You don’t owe anyone anything. If they hurt your well-being, you should cut ties regardless of who they are. Sometimes it’s hard to cut ties and it really sucks, but in the long run, if it puts you in a better place, it’s worth it. Below, I will review some of the signs that someone in your family might be toxic. If these signs are present, don’t waste any more of your time.
7 Signs It Is Time to Cut a Toxic Family Member Out of Your Life:
1. They are negative, bring you down and reject your attempts to help them
If a family member is negative, brings you down and rejects your attempts to help them, it is a sign that you are dealing with a toxic person. It is important to understand that part of healthy family relationships is feeling comfortable enough, to be honest, and vent when life is not going great.
However, if you spend too much time around somebody who only focuses on the negative, it may eventually take a toll on you — particularly if they try to make you feel bad about yourself.
Also, if you do your best to offer support and more positive ways of looking at a situation, they just make you feel bad about yourself; it means that they are putting you in an impossible situation. Of course, they do deserve the occasional vent session, but if they are negative all the time and they do not want your advice or help, stop trying to help them, and re-evaluate your relationship.
2. They are always judgemental
There is a big difference between constantly being judgmental and exhibiting tough love. A caring family member is not afraid to give you some tough love — and you do need it occasionally.
For instance, if they are really concerned that you are dating somebody who treats you with disrespect, they are looking out for you as they want you to be healthy and happy — and sometimes it requires telling you something that you do not want to hear.
However, if they are always judgmental and say things like “Your salary is so low compared to mine,” or “I cannot believe you are wearing it,” consider re-evaluating your relationship. If whenever you spend time with them, you feel emotionally worn-out and drained, you may want to distance yourself from them. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and that you should not allow anyone to disrespect you.
3. They never admit that something is their fault or that they have made a mistake
It can be frustrating and draining to be around people that almost never admit that something is their fault or they have made a mistake.
Although you should not diminish somebody’s experience of being an actual v-i.c.t.i.m, be wary of family members that think that everything that goes wrong in their lives is your fault.
They believe that the universe is out to get them and they always play the v-i.c.t.i.m. And they never take responsibility for their mistakes.
4. They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of struggle
If they always run from one emergency to another and do almost all everyday tasks with a sense of drama, it is a sign that they are toxic. Situations at home or work mushroom out of control, and they are constantly letting you know just how bad it is.
They make a big deal out of everything and seem to constantly be going through some sort of a struggle because they love drama. They can try to drag you into their dramatic state, as a way of making their own lives more exciting or gaining attention. But, you should not let them do so.
5. They are inconsistent in the way they treat you
They are inconsistent in the way they treat you. One moment, they are caring and understanding; and the next they insult you and call your names. They just want to get attention and manipulate you to do what they want. That’s why they are willing to do their best to control you.
They flip-flop between negative and positive reinforcement. They insult you, yell and lash out at you. But, then they coax you back into their trap and offer you support and pseudo-praise. If so, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
6. They are selfish
They are selfish. When they fail or need help, they are willing to talk to you. They are always available to ask for help. In most cases, they seek emotional comfort and support.
However, once they get what they want, they move away from you. They are always busy when you feel sad or need help. They just ignore the state you are in and continue to ask for help when it suits them.
7. They do not respect your boundaries
If you are constantly telling them to stop behaving in a certain way and ignore them, they are probably toxic. Respecting your boundaries does not come naturally to them. But, without healthy boundaries, you may not be able to protect yourself emotionally from their grasp.
If a toxic family member is getting the best of you, it is time to make a change. In some cases, it means distancing yourself from them. In more serious cases, it means cutting them out of your life.