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The beginnings of relationships are magical. They both spend most of their time in their best behavior and try to show how impressive you can be. The cleanliness of your bathroom, the stability of your bank account, the frequency of use of your teeth.
The goal is to give the impression that you still have all your crap together – as if you were a really functional person, who never gets in the way, who is emotionally stable and who always makes the right decisions, but who still has a catalog . with spiritual content has stories about their antics “Once upon a time” to show how wild they can be charming and impulsive.
In short, everyone starts a relationship with the best intentions in the world, even if these intentions involve blurring the truth.
The truth is that we are all a slip of the tongue, and even the best relationship advice will not tell you. Because if you want to know how to love someone, you must realize that we all have blind spots in our lives and that none of us are constantly together. And finally, when a relationship goes well, we have to manage it.
It can be scary and traumatic to catch your new favorite for the first time with unusual behavior. If you see them fondling Cadbury Egg Cream at bedtime without brushing your teeth, or in the case of a charmer I knew in college, take an old t-shirt under the bed and brush it with deodorant. instead of doing something laundry.
All these quirks we have, we must never be proud of. And yes, it is good to continue working on it: remember to floss, always pay your bills on time, wash your dishes instead of letting it soak.
But they are nothing compared to the inevitable bad moment, the day that will come when it will only be small things, but if you really and royally lose your coolness. When the rage of the street gets out of control and your partner looks at you in horror as you leave behind a fool who has delivered you ten blocks from a residential neighborhood. If you exclaim from a telemarketer. If you tell them to leave after telling you that everything is fine.
When that moment comes – if you really and royally lose your temper – then you know how close your love is. Because then the person who loves you sees no psychotic break, she sees you.
You see that a person she knows is struggling every day of her life, but is struggling right now. You know that you have experienced a drama at work, that you have lost a parent or that you have a chronic illness. You know that no matter what happens in your life to make you a fool passenger, you are not.
True love is when you see yourself as flawed people, yes, but as people who can always do better, who always try and sometimes just can not.
True love happens when your partner does not yell at you to lose your temper, but kisses you and tells you that he loves you as little as you think you deserve.
True love is when you see that no one is more upset by your terrible behavior than you, but you have reached a breaking point where it is literally the best you can do now.
True love is when they hold your hand and tell you that you are an idiot, but you will not have to fix it now. For now, you need to feel better because they care more about what’s wrong with your life, what’s causing a scene than the scene itself.
Seeing someone in their worst condition can be ugly, it can make you feel uncomfortable to treat it while you behave this way. You may be wondering where the wonderful person with whom you went yesterday went and carried away his body.
But seeing someone you really love in these moments is more a matter of judgment than judgment. And true love is knowing the right moment to kiss the cheek and a whisper in your ear: “Whatever happens, we’ll cross it together.”