Man Screams At His Wife In The Kitchen

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A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”

The wife, startled at her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???

Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”

The wife runs to the fri-

“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”

The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.

=====

Daughter Accidentally Finds Mom Having an Affair. 

“Hello. Hi Honey. This is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”

“No daddy. She is upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul.”

After a short pause, daddy says: “but honey, you don’t have an uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes, mommy says I do and he is upstairs with mommy in the bedroom right now.”

After a short time daddy says: “Okay, then this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and scream that daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back on the phone.

“I did it daddy.”

“And what happened honey?” daddy asked.

“Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of the bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. The she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all.”

“Oh my God!!!! And what happened to your uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week and cleaned it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he is dead.”

*Long pause …*

The daddy says,

“Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”