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An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building,
When a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,
“Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce! “
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying,
“Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over, farts and says…
“Broccoli. 49 cents a pound!”
Woman Gets A Facelift And Is Surprised When An Old Man Guesses Her Age
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 32,” is the reply. “I’m exactly 47,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, “I guess about 29.” ” Nope, I’m 47.”
Now, she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.” Again she proudly responds, “I am 47, but, thank you.”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks a senior gentleman the same question. He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands on your breasts. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, “What the heck, go ahead.”
He begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay, how old am I?” He completes one last squeeze, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 47.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
The old man replies, “Promise you won’t get mad?” “Promise,” she says.
He replies, “I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.”