Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,
“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”
“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.”
“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you.
If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”
“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”
“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally.
The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?”
And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!”
And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.”
Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?”
and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!”
And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.”
Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says,
“If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!”
And the teacher faints.
One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny’s dad thinks,
“I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”
He calls the teacher and says,
“My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”
The teacher says, “Okay,” because she can handle it.
The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says,
“Hi, my name is Johnny.”
She says, “Yes, I know who you are.”
Johnny smiles and says,
“I bet you $10 you’ve got a mole on your b*tt.”
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down, shows him her b*tt, and there is no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why.
His dad calls the teacher and says,
“Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your b*tt and he lost.”
The teacher says,
“Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”
Johnny’s dad laughs and says,
“No you didn’t, he bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your a$s before the day was over.”