A Priest congratulates the elderly married couple for 60 yrs of marriage… “So, how’d you do it?” the Priest asks the elderly man. “Any wisdom you give might help some of our younger parishioners who are just recently married.” The man pauses and thinks for a minute. He answers matter-of-factly, “Going out to dinner twice … Read more
The lion married off a child. Being the king of the jungle, he invited all the animals to the wedding. On a very special night, a mouse walks up to the lion and says, “Congratulations brother!” The lion looks at the mouse and says, “Thanks, but since when am I your brother?” The mouse replied, … Read more
The little mouse was trapped in the corner by the huge cat. Slowly the cat advanced on the little trapped creature. The mouse looked up and went:- Woof woof woof woof! Surprised the cat turned and fled. ‘ and that ‘ said the daddy mouse to his children. ‘ is the importance of learning a … Read more
Little Johnny is sitting in class, and the teacher is going over vocabulary words. She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is “contagious”. Johnny is waving his arm up and down, no other students have their arms up. The teacher figures there is no way Johnny … Read more
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. “It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas,” the friend observed. “But didn’t you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?” “Well,” the husband said, “we changed our plans because, uh…” His wife cut in, “Oh, tell the truth, Fred!” He … Read more
A young man went to his grandfather’s place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down for lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance. He asked his grandfather, “Are you sure you washed it properly?” “As clean as cold water can get it” was the … Read more
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. “Tell me about your staff,” he asked … Read more
A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river….when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra… The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome his heaven. The Zebra says… “you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if … Read more
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says “Did you see that?” “No,” the second guy says. “Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead.” “Oh.” A couple of minutes later, the first guy says “Did you see that?” “See what?” “Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, … Read more
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, ‘I would like to buy some cyanide’ The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’ The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’ The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, … Read more